An old saying goes that when you need comfort, hug your mother… for her heartbeat is the most comforting sound that nature has custom-designed – only for you. It is something we have grown up listening to.

But somewhere down the line, we lost touch with all that was simple, real and pure. We search all over the world to find what gives us peace. But what we long for at the end of the day is a simple feeling pure, an expression of life and love… and this is something similar to what I found, by chance, in Rokia Traore’s performance at TED.

Soul stirring vocals, nascent strings and moody blues make this video not only watchable but makes me want to paint. I dont know when, but I will.

Rokia Traore’s performance did make me go numb and throbbing at the same time. Her voice, her aura, the music and all the colors around her, did make it seem very ethereal. Feels like a jazz performance but more soulful and more goose-bumpy.

The guitar strings and the traditional instrument merge together to create a unique kind of music.  Marrying the old with the new – her musical fusion is exquisite and something what we keep searching for.

Yes, I am so much inspired to paint the whole song. Or perhaps her. Her soul. I dont know. I rarely paint with music but this one urges me to try. Please click below to watch one of her song performance.

Rokia Traore sings the moving “M’Bifo,” accompanied on the n’goni, a lute-like Malian stringed instrument with a soulful timbre. A quietly mesmerizing performance.

Rokia is blessed with such a lovely face that her silhouette stands out beautiful in the blue purple light. I’d say a fauvist style painting of hers would be striking and deep. One soul painter who could do justice to Rokia Traore’s is Bruni Sablan – whose works I’d die for. 

Rokia makes us feel Africa, the native african language, its sounds, sights and smells… sitting faraway. Like any blessed land full of strives, pain, loot and maraud… her voice sounds the angst of africa. I do not understand the lyrics but feel no need to know them. The pain is felt. The despair is sensed. The longing is shared. 

Yes, love is beyond language.

I hear it as I write this. Oh! how can it not touch your soul.

Its been a long time since I read something beautiful and this was one story that moved me within. Jenny Lexhed is a mother of an autistic child and has written her parenting story – a gist of which was published in Reader’s Digest mag, a while ago.

Hope that Flutters By - Acrylic on Paper - 24"x24"

“Love is not enough” is a real life story of tribulations and jubilations of a devoted mother who fights (and is still fighting) all odds to give her autistic child, Lucas, and herself a chance. It is a story that I could not leave unread. Each page and phrase urged me to read on, only to have my soul stirred and heart warmed.

When Lucas was born – she called him a miracle – just like any other parent would. As she kissed him, she wished if there was a way to capture her newborns scent in a jar for eternity. When Lucas was 2, she started to observe that her child was different. Like any mother she kept hushing her fears, while being watchful of her child’s development.

Her story begins with the birth of her child, discovering that he is autistic, surviving the many blows, to raising the child with all the love, faith and perseverance he needs. Jenny takes us through her life, her attempts, her frustrations, disappointments, realizations, confrontations, visits to the doctors, her seeming messages from beyond, and all that is hopeful in a matter of 4-5 pages of her story.

“Hope never abandons you; you abandon it”
George Weinberg

As a student and out of interest, I read about Autism. No Wikis, Mercks or medical textbooks had the power or connect to make me understand what autism is all about. To understand autism, I needed Jenny Lexhed – her thoughts, emotions, fears, expression, confessions and more.

She is no star or symbol of women courage. She is me. She is you. In her story, she made me go through the pain of discovering the fact that my child was autistic, that I survived the shock, pain and surrender to the divine will, to find my inner strength and courage to stand up once again, and to keep all my senses open to perceive whatever little that comes my way.

“Hope is only the love of life”
Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Living with an autistic child is like living with a life full of surprises. Any normal child will grow according to the developmental milestones. But here, there are no charts, graph, cards and sheets to compare with. A simple small word or gesture can make the parent soar. That joy is beyond our comprehensive limits. You have to live it to know it. Jenny is just-any-other woman but makes us live her life for a while. I continually ask myself – what if I had a child like that. Would I cry or try?

Attitude towards Autism in India
In India, having an autistic child is still deemed a curse. Specially-abled kids are regarded as mentally retarded children who need to be isolated in “special sections”. We have not been able to break through the stigma of having an autistic child. Not to mention the pain and trauma the parents go through to raise their loved child. People are still insensitive to specially-abled children. Autism is treated as a disorder, rather than a medical condition. Parents of normal children do not like their wards to mingle with autistic/ specially-abled kids. I wonder what Jenny’s trials and tribulations would have been like if she were an Indian, living in India.

I am not aware to what extent things/perceptions/ attitudes are changing in India. Taare Zameen Par was the closest we got to sensitizing our masses to dyslexia. Point taken, easily ignored by choice. It is a reality we don’t want to face.

Living with two physically handicapped loved-ones at different points in life made me wonder about the handiwork of God. I never got direct answers but learnt that we normal and able people are the ones who are handicapped – in our minds. And that we will never be able to see the world as purely and beautifully as they would.

Unlike our clouded-maya-existence of rat race and daily grind, autism shows what is means to live pure. In autism, there is endless attempts and repetition for perfection. That’s what they understand. They follow the call of their DNA. Perhaps they are a vital link into the unknown secrets of deep within and universe far beyond. They are merely answering in a behavior pattern we don’t understand. They behave in ways we cannot relate to. They perceive things in a way we cannot comprehend. They communicate with things we cannot. Now, who is handicapped?

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise”
Oscar Wilde

There must be a great reason why God sent these special souls to Earth. Call it karma or kismet, Jenny Lexhed, somehow seems to convey that – without a mention. As you live her life through her words, there is a settling feeling of having found some answers to the questions we never asked but kept the quest within.

When you have put down the book – you continue her thoughts in yours.

And perhaps it is a gift of God to be blessed with and to raise an autistic child. That there are endless moments of thankfulness and gratitude – for a child so special and specially abled.

In solemn moments, I wonder what it means to be born normally and live this normally. There must be a reason why we are so ‘normal’ and done to death? Is this a test in which we all, as humanity, are failing at?

Those who wish to sing always find a song.
Author Unknown

Please click here to read the condensed story of her life that I read, read and read.

This story is just not for mothers of autistic children… it’s a story for every mother, every human being. And Im glad Readers Digest continues to spring surprises some times. To read the condensed story, grab a copy of Reader Digest – India, June 2010 and for her book, Love will not be enough – a mothers fight for her son (Swedish Title: Det räcker inte med kärlek – En mammas kamp för sin son) published by Wahlstrom & Widstrand, Sweden, from her website

Love is not consolation.  It is light.
Friedrich Nietzsche

The Scented Landscape - Oil on Canvas

Thats what Picasso said eons ago. I tried him.

I tried removing all the traces of reality in my landscape… but how can you not see nature in this. The azure skies, green flora and deep earth… all resplendent and suggestive that no matter how much you erase… nature is everywhere. Even in the unseen.

This painting is far distant from what I had in mind when I started. Yes, it was supposed to be a landscape and it still is – starting with the skies and goes deep within earth.

Hours went by, but it didn’t feel right. I repeatedly moved the colors around on the canvas till I could understand the need. Indeed, I had to remove all the traces of reality – of all that I could see and all that I wanted to do.

Layer upon layer, the colors kept merging with one another to reach this stage, what I call as pure peace. The End.

Green being my favorite color, I can never have enough of it. My last two paintings, deep forest and the refuge I seek, have these shades of green to its best. Some shades of green are so much in your system that you dont feel done unless you have used them.

I have used five shades of green in this painting. They merge so beautifully that it looks like one color in all its glory. Every time I squeezed a bit of new green color on palette, I wondered what I was upto or rather what the painting was upto. I had no idea it would turn out this sublime, misty and mysterious. The photograph of this abstract art does not convey enough.

I am loving every inch of it, it as it dries. And the one thing I have learnt with this scented landscape is that you can never go wrong with green – the color of life.

The Refuge I Seek - Abstract Impressionist Landscape Painting - Oil on Canvas

Here is another painting that is growing on me. And teaching me more than I can ever comprehend. There is handiwork of the One above – in everything we see.

I now find reasons to go past by this painting which is now hung to dry. It will take a long for sure as it is laden with thick textures and thick colors

I started with turquoise, copper and Indian red as base colors. I knew it would be a landscape for the colors were speaking for themselves, conveying sky, earth and trees. As the new layers got added, a beautiful abstract landscape was formed. I cant even remember the number of days it took to reach here.

There was a danger of doing more work on this and spoil it. Thankfully, I stopped. This time I kept going back and looking at it as a whole and decided to stop. It seemed very light, beautiful and airy earlier with less darker tones. But with a little more brushwork and darkness around, it feels better.

Call it abstract, impressionist or anything, its beyond my care. I was and am stunned by the simplicity of this painting. It is growing on me at the moment. If there is a calling, this is it.

If there is a refuge for my soul, this is it.

Deep Forest – Oil on Canvas – Heavy Texture

Deep Forest uses a single color and spreads over in different shades and hues. It is actually a painting over a painting because I salvaged an existing canvas that did not have much on it.  Thanks to liberal amount of gesso and paper shreds, a lovely texture was created. And that lovely canvas texture in pure white formed images of woods, branches, trees and more. It itself gave rise to an old deep forest.

I love textures in paintings – with lots of paint. But for deep forest, the textures were made with shreds of tissue paper, little water and gesso. I had to leave it to dry for 2 days and did another layer of gesso to seal it all in. All I had was a milk white canvas with beautiful textures that looked like a painting. Needless to say, it needed a bit of green. Verte green was not my first color of choice. I chose it to make the undertones. When I started with this shade of green, I could not stop.

Terre Verte is surprisingly a beautiful color (dirty yet leafy). A blob on the palette deceives its capabilities. But as you go about using it over white, it looks spectacular. I see myself using more of it in future. And not to mention that the above photo is not an exact reproduction of verte green color due to the camera/ monitor technicalities.

I’d say, go get that shade for yourself and start playing. You wont be disappointed.